The eternal Optimist!!

Wynx has also recently set up a new Production Company with the great Zayn Till – Go check out their website and have a look whats happening over there too. Jazz Paws 

So now it’s official – Willy Wombat has arrived in Second Life!

Stay tuned …. Pictures to follow!!

There was a huge rush to sign up, and according to google, some 40 million accounts have been activated in then last 6 months! That makes Google Plus one of the fastest growing social network of all time. I happened to be one of those G+ champions. Optimistic as to what Google would do, and the great relief to move away from the numerous all too often “updates” seen by the other places. (I am am loathed to call social networks a simple website or product, because for reasons I shall address later, I believe that it is a place; somewhere people visit.

Sadly, my belief and faith in the giant G is rapidly dwindling, as Google began to do, what google does – dictate the rules, and vigorously enforce them. It started with the massive name fiasco. Google laid down the law that it only wanted “real individuals”. It wasn’t interested in anyone that used a Pseudonym regardless of rhyme or reason! Somewhat more bizarrely, Google Plus began to actively discourage business entitles from creating Profiles on their network, and just as it did with individual names, it began shutting down the profiles of those companies who dared to believe in the plus!

So it seemed that while a vast majority of people set to work figuring out what to actually do with Google plus, Google plus set to work, shutting everyone out! Admittedly, the big G did open its doors to to the corporate world and finally permitted businesses to set up the Brand Pages, although it begs the question whether this happened too late? Interestedly, whenever you try searching for anything, you can’t help but notice that google is hell bent on directing traffic to its network, by including profiles in its searches, and placing a handy little “+You” at the top of the page whenever you log into to any google account. Determined to drive the people to the desert of the Internet. I say desert, because as a “place” to visit, there is very little to actually DO when you get there. Save for dividing you friends and acquaintances into the various groups (or circles as they’re known) and sharing links, photos and a bit of news, Google plus, lacks any kind of magnet. Log in, read brief news, log out. There’s very little to keep you logged in. It’s like going for a night out and walking into an empty bar. What do you do? You have a quick look around, nod to the bar man and leave.

I am of the opinion that a social network is a place – its the metaphorical bar. To keep people in the bar, you have to give them what they want. I’m not sure that the usual Google trick of launch first – fix later will work for social networking. It’s fine for products like Chrome and Gmail where you can add on “add-on’s” after the event And disguise it as an update, or announce the “new and improved”, but as I’ve discussed, Google Plus is not a product, it’s a place, like Facebook and Twitter.

Did Google Plus want to rival both these, of course it did, that’s why it’s open for anyone to follow and circle anyone without having to actually know them. Where the others worried? Possibly, as Facebook quickly rushed out its ability to “list” your friends, shortly afterwards.

Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s rivalling either yet, and although Im a big fan of Google’s work; and not a Facebook fan boy, i do have to question whether, as numbers fall, and less and less people log in, whether it will still be going this time next year?

here’s what they had to say …..

Dear Wil

Many thanks for contacting us about Mr Bear’s concerns.

The Alpen blend is strictly controlled and the bags and cartons are filled to achieve as consistent mix as possible across each production run.

Some settlement will always occur during transportation and storage – what settles where is most likely due to the density of each ingredient.

I would recommend Mr Bear gives the cereal bag a gentle shake before pouring a serving. He should make sure the top of the bag is clipped shut of course or better still he could store his Alpen in an airtight storage container and give that a shake prior to use.

Hope this helps and trust your esteemed friend will continue to enjoy his Alpen.

Kind regards

Paul B
Consumer Services Manager 
The Weetabix Food Company

I’ve removed some of his name and his phone number to prevent any unwanted attention in his busy day but, this is the genuine reply received today.  How thrilled I am, that he took the time to address Rodericks’s concerns. How thrilled I am that he took the time to reply. But imagine my great sadness when, having read Mr Paul’s reply, I suddenly realised that this now throws up yet more unanswered questions…

“If Roderick is to follow the good advise of Mr Paul, and indeed shake his packet of Alpen before pouring a serving, will this really rectify the issue of having all the nuts at the top and all the currants at the bottom?”

“How hard must Roderick shake the said packet of Cereal to ensure that a full mix occurs?”

“Will a too vigorous shaking break the cereal into inedible pieces that will turn so soggy in the milk that all the nutty, berry, and oaty goodness will disappear?”

“Is “most likely” when said my Mr Paul to be taken as fact?”

So although it seems that the nice Mr Paul has provided some assistance, he has now confused me even more.. and so .. it can only be that more investigation is required to fully solve my friends quandary…. MORE SCIENCE REQUIRED!! Woot!!

“Why do the nuts rise and the Currants sink in the packet of Alpen?”

Interesting, I thought. Science and Food – that has to be a good combination, however, as time went on I realised that I had absolutely no idea where to start.  So I went to the source – No, not Rodders, but the foodstuff itself! I shall ask Alpen!

And here’s my letter to them…

Dear Alpen,

I have been asked to investigate you; in particular the gravitational pull of the different ingredients contained within your packaging.

My friend and esteemed colleague Mr Rodderick Bear of London Town wishes me to resolve the issue of why the nuts in his packet of Alpen rise to the top and yet the Currants always seem to sink to the bottom, like a brick, in a canal.

Clearly this is troubling Mr Bear a great deal and in order to alleviate his worries, I am keen to begin investigations. I therefore wonder whether it is possible for you to assist me in my experiment. Some advice as to where to begin from some your rather clever boffins in the lab would be nice; failing which just a nice good luck message.

Oh and if you have any spare Alpen that could be used for this scientific investigation, I have provided my address above.

Many thanks and kindest Regards.

 Wilbur Youngblood.

And so now I await their reply… and will let you know what they have to say.

However, they don’t, so I have a phone in my house. In order to prevent me from having to answer it more than 3 times a year, I signed up to the telephone preference Service.(Its supposed to stop cold calling) On the whole it does work, but occasionally the odd call sneaks through … like this one.

So I wandered over to the phone, Its small, white and cost £3.97 from a well known supermarket who have 4 green letters for its name. I mention this so you can understand the quality of the said telecommunication apparatus, and its basic functions. I picked up the receiver and said “hello” in a rather inquisitive manner. What followed was the closest I will probably get to meeting a real “live” terrorist. (Not that I actually do want to meet one but you’ll understand as we go)

I have tried to do my best recollecting the conversation word for word, in order for your fully appreciate the outcome. Now, before I get to that, however, I should also point out that I do like to irritate these callers as much as they irritate me, usually, by either telling them to hang on and I leave the receiver on my desk and go about my business, or by talking to them and disagreeing with everything they say. I know it might well be childish but I enjoy it…

So anyway back to Albert Smith…

Me: Hello?
Albert: hello, Am I talking to Mr “Wilbur”?
Me: Who’s calling please? 
Albert: My name is Albert, and I am called from the Department of Money Saving Expert, working for Fair Trade, on behalf of the Government. 
Me: Oh? 
Albert: Yes, Am I speaking to Mr “Wilbur”? 
Me: Why are you calling here? 
Albert: Please, I have recovered some money from your bank and would to transfer the money to you today. 
Me: Oh really? Which bank have you recovered the money from? 
Albert: …err…. Barclays. 
Me: Oh right, how much have you recovered for me? 
Albert: £2100. 
Me: Oh wow, that’s great., but why have you done that for me? 
Albert, because I work for Department of Money Saving Expert and your bank have over charged you? 
Me: really? When did they overcharge me? 
Albert: over several years. 
Me: Oh right I see… How much have you recovered? 
Albert £3114 
Me: Oh an extra thousand pound since you told me 20 seconds ago? 
Albert: No sir, I am from the Department of Money Saving Expert and working for Fair trade and have recovered £3114 for you from your back. 
Me: OK 
Albert: I would like to transfer the money to your bank today. If you confirm your details I will transfer the money now for you. 
Me: Can’t you just send me a cheque? 
Albert: I could send you a cheque yes, my courier man will come to your house, if you confirm your details I will tell him to go now. 
Me: but don’t you already have my details, after all, you have this telephone number? 
Albert: Am I talking to Mr “Wilbur”? 
Me: Where is your office? 
Albert: I cannot tell you. 
Me: Why not? I will come and collect the cheque from you. 
Albert: No, you cannot do that, I will send courier to you after you have confirmed your details. 
Me: Where are you called from? 
Albert: From department of Money Saving Expert. 
Me: No no no, which city are you in? 
Albert: … err… Petersberg. 
Me: Oh! As in Saint Petersberg? 
Albert: Yes – St Petersberg. 
Me: You mean the St, Petersberg in Russia? 
Albert: Yes…err.. NO, No I am in London. 
Me: Oh !?!? OK, well I know people in London, so I could come and collect my cheque from your office? 
Albert: No, you cannot collect it – Do you think I am a dishonest person? 
Me: Hmmmm 
Albert: After you confirm your details, I will provide you with your “claim obligation number” so you call your bank who will tell you I am genuine. 
Me: Well why don’t you give me that number now, and your telephone number and I’ll call the bank and then call you back. 
Albert: No – I cannot do that. 
Me: can you give me your telephone number? 
Albert: ..err. My telephone number is …err … 020 7 13 3 55 22 
Me: OK, so where are you calling from again? 
Albert: the Government … department of Money Saving Expert. 
Me: OK, so can you deliver my cheque to my work address? 
Albert, yes, after you confirm your details I can deliver it there for you. 
Me: OK, would you like to write it down? 
Albert: write what down? 
Me: the address, where you’re going to delivery the cheque? 
Albert: yes, please confirm your details. 
Me: OK, deliver my cheque to “The station house”, Millgarth Street, Leeds. 
Albert: what address is that? 
Me: Its where I work, (Its not – its the Police Station in Leeds) 
Albert: OK after you confirm your details. 
Me: Sorry, what’s your name? 
Albert: Albert… 
Me: Albert what? What’s your surname? 
Albert …err. Sm ….ith, 
Albert Smith 
Me: hah OK Mr Albert Smith. 
Albert: now please confirm your details, you are wasting my time here. 
Me: You called me! 
Albert: please now, are you Mr “Wilbur”? 
Me: How much did you recover for me? 
Albert: £3114 
Me: From which bank? 
Albert Barclays. – Do you not want your money? 
Me: Yes, just send the cheque to the address I gave you. 
Albert: you must confirm your details, I think you think I am a dishonest person?

Me: Well, Mr Albert Smith… Yes, I do think your a very dishonest person; for a start there is no such place as the Department of Money Saving Expert in the government. Money Saving Expert is a non profit website designed to help consumers save money and know their rights. Fair Trade has no interest in helping me or anyone else in the country save money,, its a charitable company who help secure a fair price for farmers and manufacturers from third world and small countries, and finally, the UK government have absolutely no interest in helping me recover money from my bank, let along paying someone like you to do it for me…… OH, and 1 more thing…. I do not, and have never banked with Barclays Bank!

So YES, Mr Albert Smith or whatever your real name is, I think you are dishonest, I think you are a crook, and the scum of earth, praying on people attempting to con them out of their bank details so you can fund god knows what!!

So If you’d like to give me YOUR address, I’ll come and collect my non existent cheque, with my friends from the police!

Albert: ….. 
Albert: ……. 
Me: Still there, or have you crawled back in the hole that you dragged your sorry pathetic self from? 
Albert: please, you must confirm your details. 
Me: What?? are you deaf? Did you not hear what I just said? 
Albert, yes I heard, so I take it you don’t want your money? 
Me: No – I don’t. 
Albert: you have wasted my time …….

And the phone went dead!

Now, at this point I was a little angry, surprised at his tenacity and bare faced cheek, but started thinking about what he has said, and thought that if he calls someone that does not know what the Money Saving Expert is, and just happens to back with Barclays, or whichever bank he happens to say at the time, then they could quite easily be persuaded to give “Albert” their details…. 

This worried me slightly and I though I should inform someone…. but who?

As I started to search the internet for the telephone number he gave me, the phone rang again… What? How can this be? 2 calls in the same day? ….

Me: Hello? 
… It is Albert about your money… 
Me: yes? 
Albert: Do you know Osama Bin Laden? 
Me: Err. No I don’t think so. 
Albert, Do you know Osama Bin laden? 
Me: Err Does he drink in the same pub as me? 
Albert: No you know him? 
Me: Nope, did I go to school with him? 
Albert: Osama Bin Laden – the terrorist. 
Me: OOOHHH!!! …. He’s dead isn’t he? 
Albert: Osama Bin Laden will bring your money to your house. 
Me: Oh, He is dead though isn’t he? 
Albert: Osama Bin Laden and Allah will bring your money.. 
Me: Well tell him to bring some milk with him and we’ll have a cup of tea..

Albert hung up again!!

So after a little searching, I have now informed the Police, Trading Standards and Martin Lewis (the real Money Saving Expert).

So far, there has been no visit from anyone, and so I still have no milk, and no cheque for £3114. 

But I will let you know if he does turn up … I wonder if I can claim the reward if he does???

Hmmm??

The Random thoughts, musings, and goings on of a wombat in the world! Including but not limited to, words, pictures, & drawings, all created in my rather odd, but happy mind!